The Try Is What Matters

I wrote this post about a month and a half ago, but tucked it away.  Sometimes when things are rough and there is tension, I find myself needing to give something space to breathe and not be holding it so close to my sensitive little heart.  I was doing some blogspace clean up and thought that maybe someone could use the little push to keep going today, so here it is!

Marriage is hard.  There have been plenty of people around me that have differed on this idea. Parenting is hard.  No one has disagreed with me on this one :).  Now, either people are lying, or I’m bad at marriage.  Either way, things have been a little hard around here.  Different ideas, different opinions, different needs, different wants.  When two people enter into a holy and forever union, they are still two different people.   In trying to find some middle groud within our differences, there has been arguing, there have been late nights, but I believe we are looking at the end of the tunnel.  Each day we will continue to give each other a kiss goodbye, say I love you and sleep in the same bed at night.  The differences are there, but they are not the center of our relationship; the try is the center.  The trying to see the other person’s point of view, the trying to understand, the trying to reach out in grace, patience and love. That is what matters at the end of the day.  The try is what matters.

This day was rough, there was arguing the night before.  There was an early work meeting in freezing temperatures.  There were errands to be ran, disagreements to be resolved.  There was a stalled battery,  a wreck causing lots of traffic on the freeway.  There was a child that wouldn’t nap, a house that needed to be cleaned.  This was a rough day.  And then it wasn’t.  I stopped having a rough day and had a better one.  I remembered that I argued in a cozy warm bed that holds my husband and I together, and that we are unshakeable.  The meeting was a breakfast, the temperature while freezing, was not windy.  The battery was jumped promplty, the wreck wasn’t mine.  The child will sleep early tonight, the errands will get run, the disagreement will fade away.  The house is a quick pick up.

After making this decision to have a better day, Eli and I went to an indoor play area.  Eli played with all of these other kids, greeting them with fist bumps and high fives.  He ran all over, glancing over every once and a while to make sure I was there, make sure I was watching.  At the slide, my sweet little boy, waited patiently while child after child cut in front of him.  He didn’t push, scream, shove or do anything other then wait for a chance to slide.  It was adorable and just made me think, all that matters is the try.   I have tried to show him to be patient, to be kind, and he was!

Everyday there is a mountian of tedious work and a faults to overcome, everyday we can choose to win or lose at this life we have been given.  The thing that makes the big difference for me is to remember what really counts. The try is what really counts.  I tried to get do a minute long handstand.  Tomorrow I will try again.  And the day after, and the day after.   Today I tried to have patience,  and I will have a little more tomorrow.  When I had the bakery, I felt like I was failing and my father-in-law told me that as long as I was trying, I wasn’t failing.  So often we get caught up in the end result, we want instant gratification and “the goal”  when all that really matters is that we find an opportunity to stop whatever “wrong” we are doing and try to do better.  It works!  In slow and steady ways, these things that we try to improve upon, the traits we hope our children will emulate, they start to show through.  The try is all that matters.

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